Will the Third

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Be soft. Do not let the world make you hard. Do not let the pain make you hate. Do not let the bitterness steal your sweetness. Take pride that even though the rest of the world may disagree, you still believe it to be a beautiful place.

— Anonymous


So humon of Scandinavia and the World has been doing profiles of animals with cool or unique mating and child rearing behaviours.

30-Question Outside The Binary Challenge


The thirty questions can be answered all at once, one a day, or on any particular schedule. Please tag your answers with #30qoutsidethebinarychallenge.

  1. What is your gender identity?
  2. What are your preferred pronouns?
  3. Do you have a sex identity, and if so, what is it?
  4. What’s your sexual orientation?
  5. What intersections do you have with being outside the binary?
  6. What does your gender/s mean to you?
  7. Has your gender/s ever changed?
  8. How has your understanding of your gender/s changed?
  9. Do you feel you have a full grasp on understanding your gender/s yet?
  10. How do you come out as your gender/s?
  11. Do you have facial dysphoria?
  12. Do you find it worse to have social dysphoria or bodily dysphoria?
  13. Do you consider yourself FtM or MtF? Why or why not?
  14. Does it bother you more to be misgendered as the sex you were designated or assigned at birth, or to be misgendered as the other binary gender?
  15. Do you have any politicized identities, such as Muslimah or Latino?
  16. Do you have preferred pronouns in other languages than English? If so, what are they?
  17. Are your gender/s fluid or static?
  18. What would you want on a government ID card?
  19. Do you consider yourself trans, trans*, transgender, transsexual, or some combination of those terms?
  20. What symbols for your gender or being outside the binary do you like best?
  21. Do you like the transgender flag? Why or why not?
  22. Are you proud of being your gender/s?
  23. Are you proud of not being the sex you were assigned/designated at birth?
  24. If you could have been called any pronoun as a child, which pronoun would you want?
  25. If official forms had lines instead of boxes for gender, what would you write?
  26. What kinds of microaggressions do you receive most often?
  27. Are you stealth off the internet, or out to a few people?
  28. Do you have any mottos related to your gender/s.
  29. What’s your favorite 101 for people outside the binary, or even cis people?
  30. What are your dreams regarding your gender/s?

I don’t do 30 Days, but I’d like to answer these questions…

  1. Bigender
  2. Him/Her (either/or), or him-and-her
  3. I’ve actually never heard this term before, so I’m not sure how to answer. If you’re asking about my genes or genitals or some other form of sex-identifying biology, please see Will’s One Rule.
  4. Pansexual
  5. Again, I don’t know what you’re asking. Do you mean what other ways do I not fit into Western culture’s binary gender system?
  6. It means how I interact with, react to, and fit into the binary culture of my little corner of the world and those around me; how I feel about myself and my identity; and how I or my behavior at a given moment is gender-typed in my culture. 
  7. Being bigender, I consider my gender to change very often. Sometimes it is female, sometimes male, sometimes (but rarely) something other than male/female as defined by my culture.
  8. I had no idea such a thing as bigender existed or could exist. I thought that there was something wrong with me that I was neither cisgender nor transgender as I understood those identities, until I found out that I was not the only one that felt that way. There’s something about not being the only one that makes introspection and self-understanding so much easier. When you don’t feel so wrong, you open your eyes a little wider to the truth as it stands. 
  9. I think that my gender identity is such that it’s a hard thing to really grasp, so no. Feeling different every week, every day, or even every hour depending… it makes things a bit more difficult, like trying to draw something that’s constantly moving.
  10. On the Internet. No one really knows anything about my gender except my partner, and I don’t talk about being bigender, I just talk about how I feel in regards to my gender. 
  11. Yes. My body/gender dysphoria is worst about my face and chest, because they are the hardest to get to conform to both/either gender.
  12. Body. I care more about how I feel about myself than how others feel about me. I would rather look in the mirror and think I look right than to go out in the world and have others interpret me correctly.
  13. I do not, because I am not nor could I be transitioning, thus negating the term. If I were to transition, I would not feel any differently. The times that I feel the most dysphoria would simply be switched, and the times I identify as male vs. the times I identify as female are pretty balanced, so there would really be no winning.
  14. When I identify as a gender other than that society deems appropriate for me based on my body, yes, it bothers me when people misread me. It doesn’t bother me as much as most, I suppose, both because I know it will pass and because I can’t expect people to be psychic about my identity. Even if I made every effort to pass as a certain gender and was still misread, I understand that many people don’t see gender as I do and it’s less from a place of malice and more from a place of misunderstanding and miseducation, almost cultural brainwashing, and I can’t much fault them for that. If they were purposely hateful or hurtful, however, there might be a bit of hell to pay.
  15. White, I suppose. I think that would count as a “politicized” identity. I grew up in a very small heartland town and was rarely exposed to non-white, non-Christian individuals or culture in my childhood, so I can act painfully White (re: world-ignorant and self-biased). I try very hard to correct this, but it’s slow going at times. 
  16. No. 
  17. Fluid in the sense that it goes from male to female and back; static in the sense that I have always and will always identify as bigender.
  18. Bigender. I understand that it wouldn’t happen because such a small percentage of the population has this specific identity, though.
  19. I do use the term transgender if and when I’m trying to explain my identity to someone because it’s a relatively familiar term to most and a good branching point to explain the concept of bigender from, but I don’t identify as transgender per se because, again, I’m missing the ‘trans’ part, really.
  20. None. We don’t have a pride flag or pride symbol that I know of, beyond the pink and blue one, and I really dislike that one. A lot. For one, there are three pink stripes and only one blue. What’s that about? I would like a quartered image of a gendered human. Top left:female, Top right:male, bottom left:male, bottom right:female. Background: Vertical stripes transitioning from pink to purple to blue, with a solid white horizontal stripe through the middle. Too complicated?
  21. It’s not my flag, so I don’t think my opinion is relevant. But no, not really. 
  22. Yes! I think it’s very me. I’m always big on duality and balance, so it makes sense. I would choose to be bigender even if it were optional. I would just also choose to be androgynous and hopefully live in a more accepting culture so I wouldn’t have the dysphoria that accompanied my gender.
  23. Sometimes I am the gender I was assigned at birth, but when I’m not I’m still just as proud of my gender as I am when I am cisgender-ish, for lack of an appropriate term. 
  24. I didn’t want to be called a pronoun when I was a child. I hated being put into that box. I didn’t understand what was going on or what was ‘wrong with me’, but I knew I didn’t like being told with one small word what was expected of my whole life and being.
  25. Bigender. 
  26. Anytime gender is brought up in my family it turns into an argument about how boys and girls are supposed to act. I come from an extremely sexist immediate family. They don’t intend it to be as such, I’m sure, but they have such limited understanding of sex and gender that they almost can’t help it. They don’t know about my identity, but it still hurts. 
  27. I am stealth everywhere except this blog. I don’t talk about my gender to anyone. Ever. 
  28. No, but I should.
  29. I don’t have one, but I’d like to. Most 101 type things don’t really apply to me.
  30. That one day I will be able to shape my body into an androgynous starting form, so that when I wake up in the morning I can decide whether to present as male or female and have my body cooperate with my desires.

Gender Biased Sexual ‘Education’ is failing everyone.





Things girls are taught in Sexual Education:
-Basic terminology of female genitals and reproductive system
-Anatomy of male genitalia
-About menstruation
-About Pregnancy / Contraception
-About STDs
-Abstinence only

Things boys are taught in Sexual Education:
-Anatomy of male genitalia
-Basic terminology of female genitals and reproductive system
-Wet dreams
-Why sex, masturbation and ejaculation feel good.
-Hormones, pleasure and why they will crave sex 
-Oral sex (fellatio) 
-How Pregnancy happens
-Abstinence is better 

Why aren’t girls taught about the clitoris, apart from the word being on an unrealistic diagram? Why are girls not taught sex can feel good, and about masturbation? Therefore not teaching girls it’s ok to be aroused, how arousal works, that it’s normal and healthy to want sex and to enjoy it? Therefore continuing to make women’s sexual pleasure weird, shameful, perverted, dirty, uncommon or non-existent?  Why are they taught to be the moral and responsible gatekeepers of sex?  Why are we teaching girls more about how sex works for boys than for themselves? Why are we making girls responsible alone for pregnancy? Why are we not teaching girls about consent, peer pressure and about how to communicate their needs?

Why aren’t boys taught about proper female anatomy, and that the in-out-in-out that feels great for them isn’t so good for women as there are almost no nerve endings inside the vagina? Why aren’t we teaching them about the clitoris and other sensitive parts of women when its ok to go into full detail about their own pleasure? Why aren’t they being taught respect and consent, and how to negotiate their needs? Why aren’t they taught about other methods of sex which aren’t penetrative that women can enjoy like mutual oral sex? Why aren’t they taught about menstruation, when women often get educated about everything sexually that happens to men? 

The average age to experience hardcore pornography is 11.
The average age for first sexual education is 13.
If you can’t see how that, plus an incredibly sexist, hetero-normative scare campaign of ‘sexual education’ is failing everyone- I think perhaps you need some education on a thing called reality.

And trans sex education is completely left out. Cisnorms take over in Health/Sex Ed as well. No one is taught about dysphoria(disphoria) and so everyone who doesn’t want to do with the dominant partner wants to do is automatically labeled as a freak or prude or something completely irrelevant to sexuality.   

This post is perfect and awesome and wonderful. Yes.

Pretty much all of this. But, I do want to point out that sexual education curriculum is decided by each state (and teachers have some liberty as well) in the U.S., and some states have better / worse education than others. Some cover more / less etc. For example, I definitely learned about menstruation in my health class.  

 Sex education definitely needs to be improved, but I don’t think we can generalize the sex education everyone receives because it varies so much (and that is a problem upon itself).